Surprise Hugs

A while back a friend of mine was looking for unsettling or creepy stories that we have experienced. Now I didn’t really have any good stories where I was creeped out, I have been creeped out but it was usually someone breaking my comfort zone. But one of the most unsettling things for me is if someone hugs me and I’m not expecting it. So I described it for her in the best story like fashion I could, it went something like this:

“It happens again, all too often it happens. I feel the clamp from either side. Sometimes it’s soft other times it’s hard. But it’s always the same. It paralyzes me at first. A fear that cuts into me even worse than the clamping. Will it get heavier? Will I still be able to breathe. It always get’s heavier, and it always gets worse. I can feel it pushing against my arms, my chest, my back. Holding me tighter and tighter. I can still breathe, or I would be able to if I was so shocked. Why would this happen again? Every time I can feel it all. The subtle shift in weight, how I fall backwards a bit, a futile attempt to escape. Barely a second passes and my heart is racing, surely this will end soon. It has to end soon, don’t they know how this feels. But they don’t, no one else seems to understand. I feel it all as they crush me, as I freeze up. The panic starts to bubble to the surface. But I have to keep it under, I have to stay in control. I need to stay calm just long enough to ask them to stop hugging me and for them to let go. But even when it’s over I can still feel them, their arms their hands, their head, where they touched me. Like a scar in my mind. All from a surprise hug.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I quite like hugs, with close friends that I trust. But I’m surprised I haven’t hit anyone yet the amount of times I’ve had people hug me out of the blue. Thankfully people are generally understanding and only need to be told once. But still it happens, new people I don’t know, friends who forget, it’s not something that will stop. I’ll go into more detail about this another time, but I have a very good physical memory, if I touch something I can remember how it feels for years. A hug is no different, I remember hugs that happened 4 or 5 years ago as though they happened moments ago. This is quite disconcerting if I was panicking at the time. There are some hugs that can still cause me to freeze up when I recall them. But it also means that I try and hug the same person the same way, mostly to make it easier on myself. So there you have it, Surprise Hugs, the most unsettling thing I experience.

Advertisements

About Snababo

What can I say? I'm 26, Irish, have Asperger's Syndrome and a lot on my mind.
This entry was posted in Inside My Head and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s