I’ve never been good at accepting compliments, I’ve never really felt like I’ve deserved them. I’m not always sure how or when it started. I’m not even sure if it did ever start, if I’ve just always been a nice guy. For as long as I can recall my dad has had a philosophy that friends and family come first. Personally I don’t have as much care about my family. I never chose them I was born into them. When it comes to friends however I do pick them fairly exclusively. Close friends at least, I have lots of acquaintances. When it comes to friends I will do almost anything for them. If they call on me I’ll be there for them. Hell I see someone upset and I’ll want to help them. Most of the time I don’t because people are kinda terrifying and I have no idea how they will react to a total stranger making sure they are okay.
I know that, at least until I started writing this post, I had always attributed it to my time dark times. The times when I was horribly depressed and in hospital. I know what it’s like to feel… well shit. It really sucks and I hate the idea of anyone feeling even remotely how I felt if I can help it. It seems like something that anyone should do. Be well…. nice. People should be nice, right? So when someone compliments me, saying that I’m “A really nice guy” or “A really good friend” I don’t feel like I can take that compliment. I’m just being a semi decent human being. It’s fairly simple to be a nice person. I’ve actually got some rules for it.
- If someone is having a bad day you talk to them, ask them what is wrong, let them rant at you and offer your services. So long as it is something in your power give them a hand. Earlier today I had a small chat with a friend I haven’t seen in years, she had been having a bad day so I lent her my ear. By the end of the chat she said “I know I’ve not always been a very good friend, and I’m sorry for that.” Now I can never remember she was a bad friend to me. I didn’t even do that much, I just let her rant at me.
- If someone goes through a breakup you give them a week. Not to get over it. But for a whole week if they want to get a cup of tea, go to the movies, talk with someone or climb mount Everest you had damn well do your best to be there for them. Being dumped sucks, but hanging out with friends doesn’t. A friend that was recently dumped said she just wanted to keep busy. So I made sure to talk to her whenever I could, if only to keep her mind off the breakup.
- Respect other peoples beliefs. I don’t know what I believe in. I’m pretty sure I’m an atheist most of the time, but that doesn’t matter. My granny believes in the catholic god. I have friends that are pagan of one form or another (pagan is too wide a term… stupid Romans). People should be free to believe whatever they want. But you are not allowed to ridicule them for it or force a different one on them. We all have to find our own path. I try not to poke holes in religions unless someone tries to convert me or judge me for no believing in theirs.
- When driving let at least one person go while you have right of way. It’ll take you 20 seconds to do so, but you may save them 5 minutes of waiting in traffic, sometimes more. If you are running late for something then either you should have left earlier, or you might have gotten stuck waiting for someone to let you out in busy traffic. If everyone was nice enough to let people go we’d get nowhere, but I don’t expect everyone to be nice. There are three places on my drive home from work that I try to let people go when I have right of way. It’s only ever added a minute to my trip at most.
- No matter where you were, when or how you were born you are no better than anyone else in this world. Your actions define what kind of person you are, not the colour of your skin or the clothes you wear. I’ll admit I’m guilty of breaking this one, more often than I’d care to say. Sometimes I look down on people less intelligent than me, I feel like a jerk when I do it, but I still do it.
I don’t always live up to these 5 rules. It’s not that it’s hard, it’s that sometimes I get lazy. I don’t like it when I don’t live up to the rules. It also means when I do and someone says I’m a great guy, I feel guilty. I’m not really a great guy, I don’t do any great things. I don’t try and end world hunger, create world peace or save lives. I’m just a decent human being every now and again. I wish I really was a great person, I don’t feel like I am. I know there are people who are worse than me, but that doesn’t make me great.
I got turned down a few days ago. I didn’t even think I was going to mention this but here I go. She is a pretty awesome lady. Kinda, playful, a smiler, a gamer and knows more about one of my favourite games settings then I can hope to know ever. It was a compliment “You are a great guy, but…” the reason is understandable. I don’t resent her for it. But it still sucks, cause now I’m pretty sure she feels awkward which I don’t want. But hey live and learn right? If she reads this then I hope she’ll forgive me for mentioning this online, helps me get stuff off my chest.
Compliments are just strange (hey look a change of topic). I tend to spend a lot of time thinking that I’m not a great person, it’s so hard to think that others believe me to be a nice guy. I just hope I never let them down.