So last week two of my friends got married. It was a mighty big shindig with lots of people coming and going and naturally enough I was there. Cause no wedding is complete without me…. totally. Now are far as parties people go I’m totally not one of them, I never really have been. I just can’t usually get into them. Every wedding that I’ve been to in the past has had me sitting in the corner calculating the rough intoxication of everyone in the room. However as my friends are gamers it meant one big difference… the party had gamers. As a byproduct of this there was a room specifically for gaming. They had hooked up four TV’s, system linked four Xbox’s and had four controllers for each (Also great for the OCD people at the party *points to self*)
So I entered the wedding as I enter all social event, feeling out of place, nervous and like I was going to run for the hills at any moment… even having brought two of my friends with me. After a lot of nervous standing around the wedding started. Then it ended. Vow were said, her dress was gorgeous, pictures were taken by everyone which annoyed me to no end. Tis the drawback of every phone having a camera. Meaning the relatives and friends end up just getting in the way of the cameraman that was hired for the event… rant over. After that there was a bit of meandering during which I played some video games, roughly coming in the top 4 most of the time (Yes there was more than 5 people there). It was quite fun. But not long before food I found I had the urge for alone time. Which isn’t rare for me. So I jumped outside and it turned out the two mates I arrived with decided to do the same. After about five minute of fresh air Dinner was called for.
The meal was awesome, the potatoes alone, oh man I would kill for those potatoes. Like if those potatoes asked me to, people would die. (Joking) As can be imagined the gamer friends that organized the wedding put all the gamers at the one table, because that’s actually the clever thing. So while some of us were very awkward we for the most part knew each other. Which made for probably the most enjoyable wedding dinner I ever had, even if we didn’t have the potatoes it would have still been awesome. The speeches were all good and stuff, some of them were long others were short.
I had figured I’d probably end up in the gaming room after the dinner, but much to my surprise I didn’t end up there quite as much as I might have. The first dance happened not long after the dinner and the bride and groom demanded that some of us less social folk dance for a bit before we shove our heads in the TV. Personally I didn’t mind. I wend and danced for a song or two. Then got a drink of water (Driving, responsible, yeah!). While I was getting the water I had another alone urge, so I ducked out to look at the small weir (for those of you that don’t know what a weir is it’s a waterfall that’s like maybe a metre high). The ducking out happened to be in clear view of one of the bridesmaids who is a good friend of mine and I had originally met through the bride (ironically enough… that’s sarcasm… I think). My first conversation with her lasted about 7 hours over skype only interrupted by a Dr. Who episode. She also happens to be a person that I just don’t talk to often enough.
So we had a conversation by the waterfall which boiled down to her checking to see if I was ok, me saying I was. She didn’t believe me, so I spilled on life ramblings that had been on my mind of late, she shared secrets on her thoughts on the same subject and we concluded that we are both content. There was some hugs and then we joined the party again. I’m not giving any detail out of respect for her privacy, was even tempted to leave it out all together but then a later point wouldn’t make sense. (We’ll get to it, this post actually has structure).
The night went on and I spent most of it avoiding gaming. Hell I actually danced a few times. My weir buddy had earlier threatened me saying I “Had to dance for my sins” which I’ll be honest I didn’t think she’d heard of. So I danced for my sins and surprisingly got compliments about it. Now I’ve never actually danced before, like never… at all… EVER…No wait I’m wrong I did Ceilí dances in a gaelteach, but that is very different. Closest I came to more normal dancing was looking up a waltz to teach one of my friends. I attribute any ability to dance to my love of music and having too much free time in the kitchen along with juggling, nothing builds a good sense of rhythm like juggling to a tune.
After a few song and I think at least another outside trip a song came up with a bit of an Irish jig in it. So I figured, fuck it do some Irish dancing. I did the basic steps before my brain told me I had to dance faster to keep up with the pace of the song. So I did, I was probably horrible. I know I had absolutely no arm control and all I could do was the basic steps only faster (For the most part). By the time the song ended my right leg was dead. I could no longer use it to stand, it was hilarious. I also had people coming up to me saying that I was apparently really good, people I don’t even know… that’s really weird. I’ve never really received that kind of attention before.
So I take a break outside and lie down so my leg can recover. Coming back in sees the bride telling me I have to dance with her. Now I know she is the bride and you should do what she says, but my right leg just would not stand for that long. But she hadn’t seen the dancing I’d just done. However I’m able to duck out with the promise that I dance for the next one. So I get my reprise and the dancing starts. I dance with her for not twenty seconds when she throws me at another girl. This is a girl I had met once before and the bride had previously tried to get us together or something. So we danced for a bit in the end nothing came of it. But I wasn’t really looking for anything. I don’t know if I am looking for anything right now, I mean I am… probably.
Anyway the night progressed and after several trips outside and another Irish Dance attempt that the bride and groom saw but barely lasted as long as the previous one I was feeling exhausted. Not mentally or physically, but socially exhausted. Each trip outside was lasting longer and longer and the time between them kept getting shorter. About the same time as I came back in from going out and already wanted to go back outside again the “Last Songs” started playing. So I figured I may as well stay in for those and leave after.
Now I was quite impressed with the fact that I had lasted this long at the party. It was taking all of my coping mechanisms and thankfully only once did I have a panic over uninvited social contact (In the form of a hug from behind that was a little too close to the neck and I caught myself from hurting the guy… don’t think I could have broken his arm the way I was holding it, but the intention was there). However the end of the dances was my greatest challenge. It was one of those dances where people decide to link up. Which I felt kinda half obliged to enter… then it turned into a dance circle thing. It was practically a group hug…. It was everything I could do not to scream and flee. The feel of two people I don’t know touching my shoulders… *shivers*. When the song ended I immediately broke free and sought out a friend that I’m good with hugging to try and get rid of the feeling. However, I think the fact that I lasted the 35 long seconds is pretty much personal life achievement territory.
I actually made my way home not long after that, I was partied out completely and I had to drop some people off along the way. But for the entire party I was reminded of a video I had watched previously and when I got home did some digging. The video is from extra credits and it’s about the Meyer-Briggs type indicator test. Now they were talking about how it pertains to games and would help people to make better characters so we can get more enjoyment out of our games. But I noticed how they are one stage mentioned a combination of two of the variables that resulted in well essentially what I did at the party.
So taking that into account I decided I may as well do the test, but went in with a few thoughts. Taking a test like that would tend towards certain biases when you have Aspergers. To give a very brief overview:
The First Category is whether you are Extroverted (E) or Introverted (I).
The second is whether you are Sensing (S, like to get all the data) or Intuition (N, ability to make cognitive leaps with limited data).
The third is what you base you decisions on Thinking (T, logic) or Feeling (F)
Lastly how tend to live your life…ish Judging (J, structured) Perceiving (P, flexible)
So naturally you would assume that someone with Asperger’s would tend towards ISTJ.
Going into it I was like so I’m totally I_T…J? Turns out I am INTJ, go figure. However in the Thinking Feeling my score is actually close to 50:50 which I imagine is a development over the last several years. Each of them even has a little descriptor if you look them up:
Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance – for themselves and others.
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.
Similar descriptions… cause there is only like one variable different and I’m pretty close to both, so I’ll call this a success. For those interested you can take a test here.
So as a final topic before I wrap up this very long post I’m going to mention a realisation moment, which does tie in with the rest of the post :-P. I realised on Monday that I could narrow down about 90% of my social activity due to one event. I went to a friends house warming… actually the friend was the groom at the wedding (see it all inks in). From that party I joined a gaming group, got to know another gaming group that I’ll probably join in, I made friends in Maynooth from one of the gaming groups which, when I changed college, was one of the reasons I went to Maynooth, joined a juggling society with advice from friends I already had from a gaming group that I joined because of the house party…. It’s kinda awesome. Now the clever folks among you will say “But didn’t that all happen because you met your friend in the first place”. Which isn’t the point. The point is that I took a risk and because of it my life has been much better. So people, take risks, who knows it could be worth it.
Now to wrap this whole thing up I’m sorry for not having posted in the last while, I’ve been busy/low on spoons and while I enjoy posts I need to be in a certain mood. Also a shoutout to Lost in the Labyrinth she has been a constant support for my blog for quite some time, she has also now nominated me for a second blog award and I don’t think I can accept it I can’t remember why exactly, probably some self confidence issue probably… Anyway everyone have fun sorry for the time between the posts and the length of this one.